Frustrating times at work these past few days, and I find myself feeling like a butterfly, in a jar, flapping my wings to get out....................have you ever been there, felt that way???
It seems that the harder I push myself to keep doing what I need to do..............the more problems pop up. Thankful to be able to leave it all behind me............until bright and early the next morning..................
I come home to this....................my son was able to capture it to show me. This beautiful creature has flitted back and forth in front of me for the past several years. I have tried everything to get close enough to take it's photo..................but it is as quick as lightening and I have never been able to. It is so sleek and black that it looks as if it has been dipped in fresh paint.
It's blue sapphire tail shimmers as it dashes along. You can't see very well on the photo, but it has white and gold spots that run along the sides of it's face. My son was able to scoop it up and after I took these photos, he released it into the flower bed. How funny it has struck me, especially this week.........................seems I have been chasing the elusive in trying to figure out exactly what it is I am supposed to be doing in life. Have you ever reached that point?? Is it just old age with regret creeping up on me that I chose to stay home all of these years and now................what do I do?? I really thought I would find some grand outlet in my embroidery and that, that would define who I am......................or at least that was my dream..................although I like being a short order cook ............................I know it is something I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing...............especially with the events of these past few days that have unfolded.......... But do I just throw up my hands and quit...............no................not at this time.......................... I just wonder if I ever will find "my niche"..................How about you??? Have you spent your life staying home, taking care of your family, and now it's time to find something else to do? Or have you been at the same job for eternity and now it's time for change.................and you wonder..........."what could it be" ?
I would love to hear!
13 comments:
Oh my, he is beautiful! What a pretty color of blue!
Kathleen, I can understand how you are feeling. I have often wondered about the decisions I've made in the past and whether I did the right thing. I still have a lot of dreams of things I want to accomplish. I hope you don't give up on doing your embroidery. If it brings you joy, it is worth doing whether or not you make a living at it. Hugs to you! I hope you get things figured out so that there is time for you to do the things you enjoy.
Yes, I have been there. I actually felt like I was trapped in a big net and the more I struggled, the more tangled up in it I got. That was long ago, and I can honestly say that I'm happy with the choices I have made along the way. I am glad I stayed home with my girls. I'm glad I homeschooled them, even though it was a struggle. I'm really glad I discovered quilting. It has calmed my spirit. (Plus I can listen to the Bible on my mp3 player while I sew.)
Incredible photos of Mr. Elusive! Sorry things have been uncomfortable at work. Like Daisy says, I hope you always make time for your lovely embroidery that gives you so much pride and joy. Sending you good wishes, Mildred
We have one of those living around our porch steps. I started down them this morning and all I saw was a flash of blue. Gorgeous!!
LOL!! Oh yes! I have been there. I'm at that point now. I've worked off and on most of my adult life, even when my children were growing up. I told someone the other day, I still didnt' know what I wanted to be when I grow up. I really don't have a passion for one certain thing, maybe that's my problem. I do have one thing I'd like to do but not sure how to get to that point.
Blessings
Patty H.
I have been fortunate in that i have always seemed to land up with the perfect job. I know, there is no such thing as a perfect job. What I mean is that the work has more good times than bad times. Every job will have its bad times. These trials are what god does to test our nature, and prepare us for greater things. He will not give us more than we can handle!
I enjoy the old Jewish proverb. "A rich man is one who is content with what he has."
Hang in there!
Oh...I am definately there but didn't realize what to call it until I read your blog. I hope that when I move back HOME that I will be the butterfly that someone took the lid off my jar. I was a stay at home mom (I could not have afforded day care for 8 kids) and now I get penalized by SS with a really crumy ck...so...I am doing the same thing..keep making things that I think someone might like enough to buy and ending up with suitcases and bins full of hand made crafts..I keep thinking someday I will find my niche...sure hope so..I get older every day and time will close in on me one of these days.
I will keep struggling though until I have enough for U Haul and fuel to get out of here..I am sure the grass will be a little bit greener on the other side of the fence..there is better soil there anyhow :)
I'm going to email you privately..maybe there IS a way...
Pat
Oh, Kathleen- what a beautiful little creature!
I'm so sorry about your job....but I know exactly how you feel- it's hard to leave for work when your heart wants to stay home, isn't it?
I know we have obligations, but I always felt like it was not our job or title that defines us, but what we "create" whether it's beautiful art, embroidery, or just creating a cozy home for our family.
Hugs to you,
Paula
What a beautiful color of blue. The animal is really neat.
I can understand how you are feeling. I often wonder if I'm making the right decisions as caregiver for my mom. I second guess myself sometimes and worry that maybe I'm not doing enough for Mom. I think we all feel sometimes that no matter how hard we work, it's not enough. That's okay, we are just human. The Lord gives more grace to help us through the hard times.
The world tells us that our contributions "are not enough". I have never felt particularly driven to achieve in the business or corporate world. I love being home and I loved being with my kids when they were young. Now that they are all raised, they all want help with the grandchildren and that is what my heart wants to do. Unfortunately, it isn't feasible financially to do so. My compromise has been to work at a school--the pay isn't great, but I do get summers off to spend with my grandkids and holidays off! It pays my benefits that I need, so for now it what I will continue to do. I do enjoy the kids and staff I work with, but I would love to stay home still! You are so talented, is there is a quilting or sewing shop where you might use your gifts? It might feed your soul!
That is so beautiful! They can have the prettiest colors to them! My son loves to catch them and look at them too!
Hey Kathleen. I had to come back here and add my 2 cents. I know where you're coming from. Sometimes I think the world or society puts great pressure on all of us, men and women, to "achieve" something in life or "matter" to the world. I don't think that's how it's supposed to be.
I believe that we all MATTER to God, each and every one, that we are important to Him. We matter to our kids and families and friends. You and I chose to become homemakers - wives and mothers and you ARE doing your job - being a wife & mom, have done your job for all these many years, AND will continue doing that until your last breath. That's what's IN us.
God also gave you a talent and a desire to be creative - so you are using the skills and talents that He gave you - whether to sell them or whether to give them to others to enjoy or to enjoy them for yourself. And you have this job outside the home right now to help out with your family finances. That job doesn't define you, nor does mine as a self-storage manager define me. Go back and read Proverbs 31:10 and following.
You have been that woman, Kathleen. THAT is who you are. Rejoice in the Lord in who you are - a wife of noble character and a good mother to her children & NEVER feel inferior or like you haven't "done" enough. You don't have to BE anything else. There is no greater calling in this life.
But pursue your interests if you want, sew, be creative, and if you find an outlet for that, then it's an extra blessing! Focus outward like you've done all through your married life. I hope to reach out through my church and in my community as I have more time. AND I'm going to get back to my painting! I can't wait!
I'm right where you are, Kathleen, and I have to keep reminding myself of all these things, too. EAsier said than done. You hang in there!
Your zinnias are beautiful. I didn't have much luck with mine. I'll try again next year...
Sorry I run on so... ;o)
Sorry for all the deleted comments. Blogger wouldn't let me publish, I kept clicking "publish", and then they all came through about 6 times!
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