"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands........" 1 Thessalonians 4:11

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Heartbroke

Remember this cute little guy from back in Easter of 2007?
Today, my heart is broken because I lost him to a tragic accident.
Hercules was not just a rabbit that sat in a cage all day, eating and napping. He was a joy that waited to greet me every morning. He had developed a personality, and did different things that made me laugh....and he knew who I was out of anyone that came into the room. The apartment/shed had become his domain. After being fed in the morning hours, I would open his cage door and let him have free roam inside the coolness of the shed until late afternoon..... giving him a chance to explore and exercise. He was curious and loved to nibble everything, so I took great steps in rabbit proofing everything in the room................I thought. I often go out to check on him....to bring him treats or to roll his ball to him. I went out to check on him today, and could not find him anywhere. After a worried few minutes went by, I moved my son's punching bag that was lying on the floor and to my heartbreak, found Hercules inside, .....soft, still warm,......but dead. He had crawled inside of the bag and couldn't get out, and suffocated. And now I am playing the vicious mind game of "if I had only gone to check on him earlier"......."he would have still been alive to save"....."why did I not put the bag out of harm's way?".......
If he had died a natural death of a rabbit's old age, I know I would still be heartbroken....but to know that he was trapped and I was not there for him.....just is so hard for me to overcome. Every year I have lost so many pets to death.....either from predators, illness, or accident. Every year, although I know it will happen again......it doesn't get any easier. I know I will be back next week, posting about all the things I post about......but these kind of things just leave me feeling drained, and I hesitate in posting about them......but this is all part of life.....especially the farm life I am trying to carve out in this world. Sometimes the sun falls down hard on my prairie farm......I know soon it will shine brightly again.


30 comments:

Vickie said...

Oh, Kathleen - I'm so sorry to hear about little Hercules. How tragic, and how very difficult it must be for you. Please try not to feel guilty. It was an accident, and he had a wonderful life and someone who loved him while he was here. We've lost 3 beloved dogs in the last 3 years, and it's been tough. Just remember him and his antics and make him a little special place to lie in. He was much loved & I know you made him a good home. I feel for ya, girl. And it's not next week's time to google & blog. You need a little sad time. That's the order of life and our 'babies' don't get to live as long as most of us do. Take care -

Nancy M. said...

Kathleen, I am so sorry about Hercules! It is hard when something happens that you think you could have prevented. Try not to dwell on the what ifs! I know Hercules knows how much he was loved, just remember all the good times! It is hard when you lose so many animals, sometimes I just want to crawl up in a ball and cry. I know you'll feel better in time. ((HUGS))

Lisa @ Life with 4! said...

oh, Kathleen, i'm sorry about Hercules!! I know how it feels to lose a favorite critter.
God bless you.

RiverBend Farm said...

Kathleen, I'm so sorry to hear about Hercules. Remember, it was an accident. There is no way that we can keep these critters completely out of harm's way. You could have chosen to keep him in a closed up cage but, being the kind-heart that you are, you let him enjoy his freedom and, along with that, come some dangers. You gave him a good life. I hope you feel better soon.

Farm Chick Paula said...

Oh Kathleen... I'm so sorry. I know no words can comfort you right now, but please don't blame yourself- like everyone else's comments, you provided a wonderful life for him most rabbits only dream of having!
Hugs to you....

Debbie said...

Oh Kathleen; loosing our little friends leaves a big pain in our hearts; I know too. They are so innocent and dependent on us; we carry a lot of guilt when something happens to them. I know time takes care of the pain, but it goes awfully slow when our hearts are hurting. Please don't beat yourself up. He isn't suffering and he wouldn't blame you. That's what makes some animals special; they love us unconditionally.Give another animal a good home when you feel better, there are so many out there who are in need.
Debbie

Patty H. said...

I am so sorry! {{hugs}}

LindaSueBuhl said...

I'm so sorry - we can't protect those we love (4 or 2 legged) from every danger but it feels awful I know. Hercules lived a wonderful life with you - exceptional for a bunny. As Vickie said - remember him and his antics -

Muddling Through said...

Kathleen, I am so sorry. It is heartbreaking to lose a pet, especially one who has a close bond with you. You know it already, but I'll tell you anyway - you have to forgive yourself. Romans 8:1, I John 1:9 are both good places to go for a reminder. Love you, Elaine

Julie Harward said...

Oh, I just love you, if I was there I'd give you a huge hug. I KNOW how your heart feels, I love animals and every time I go through that I cry like a a little child. Animals give us SO much love, so much love, that we grieve for them. I believe that we will be with them again, it's true. (Come say hi~) : )

Mel said...

I'm sorry to hear about Hercules, I know how you feel. You'll be in our prayers tonight as will Hercules.

God Bless your heart,
Mel

Queen of Dreamsz said...

Hello Kathleen, I'm just checking my reading list and see this post of yours.

You are right..it never gets easier to lose one of your beloved creatures. Oh my gosh, the tears I have shed and how I've done the same thing you are doing *questioning yourself*....it will drive you to distraction and take away your joy.

Hercules has crossed the Rainbow Bridge and the good news is that you will see him again one day where everything is perfect and there are no more tears.

My heart aches for you and prays for your smile and joyful spirit to return soon.

Again, I'm so so sorry for your little Hercules passing..

Hugs to you,
Stephanie

Kelly or Alex said...

I'm sorry to hear about Hercules. It is heartbreaking. Accidents are just that. Not something you did intentionaly. You will always remember his sweet self. He knew he was loved. Sending hugs,prayers and special wishes your way.
Kelly

Wish on a Whisker said...

Kathleen~ Bless your sweet heart! I am so sad about precious Hercules. Please don't be hard on yourself. Hercules was an angel in disguise and you were very good to him. He will continue to look after you with all he learned from being around you. Thinking of you. ~Mandy

nAncY said...

it is very true that life on the farm is more like that compared to amimals kept in town. i am sorry about your sweet bunny.

nancy huggins said...

I am soooo sorry to hear about your loss of a pet and it is always harder when you think you should have done something different...The sorrow will always be there but like you said...life goes on. I dread the day when that will happen to my little Annie..she has epilepsey and some day it could kill her and that will break my heart.
At least he had a good life and not mistreated like so many animals out there..My prayers are with you.
Come and visit my blog sometime when you feel up to it ((((HUGS)))) to you

Laura Frantz said...

Kathleen,
I'm very sorry to hear about your beloved Hercules. Pets are such a joy, more like family really. I'm so glad you're living out your country dream. We have that in common! Your header/verse from Thessalonians is one of my very favorites. How much better the world would be if we all lived this verse out. Thinking of you today.

Brenda Kay Ledford said...

Kathleen,
I'm so sorry about Hercules. It makes me so sad to hear about his passing away. I always grieve like I've lost a member of the family when a pet dies. It sounds as though he was a great pet. I'm sorry you lost him.

DayPhoto said...

Oh, Kathleen! I am so, so, sorry! Losing friends are a terribly hard part of life.

Animals are such a joy and pleasure! A real joy. Please know that you gave to him the same joy. Accidents are just that accidents, I'm sure he does not blame you, that is one of the nice gifts animals give us.

Linda

http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com

Dirt Princess said...

Oh my....I am so sorry. That is so sad. Remember I had the two little bunnies...Scooter and Skeeter? I always hoped they would grow up to be like Hercules. Little Scooter died in my hands...and I am still not over it. I think if I had left them alone, they would be fine. I am so sorry....it is so hard to lose a sweet little angel

peggy said...

I feel so sad for you, you could have not have known that was even possible to happen. You are kind to your animals and show them so much love, think of the good lives they have had. A big hug from Michigan today.

grammy said...

I am so sorry to hear about your sweet pet. Any kind of lose like that hurts and takes awhile to recover from. Looks like you have lots of friends here to encourage you (o:

Mary said...

So sorry about your little friend. I love the scripture under your header.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

I am so, so sorry. Please don't play the "if only I'd..." game. We cannot be everywhere. You loved him, and he knew it. I am so sorry. C.

Conni said...

Kathleen, my heart is breaking for you... I am so sorry for your loss.

KathyB. said...

I am so sorry for the loss of Hercules and for the pain and guilt this is causing you...

Mini said...

Hope you're feeling better. I've never had a pet, so can't fully understand how you feel. My prayers are with you.

The Gingerbread House said...

Kathleen, I'm sorry to hear of your loss...losing a pet is hard to endure..and another doesn't always fill the void...There are all your other pets that need you and know that your feeling sad..It will get easier each day..stay busy. Ginny

Daisy said...

Kathleen, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry to hear the news about Hercules. Accidents happen. You are not to blame. Big hug to you from Daisy.

Jane Smith said...

Poor Herc. My heart goes out to you.